My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
