I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
When did angry sex become our thing?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
