do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
