Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize