We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
