i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
