I am spending my child support on dildos
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
