Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
