I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
