yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
