my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
