I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
