Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
