I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
