I am spending my child support on dildos
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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