oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
