Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
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