1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
