She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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