Buhtt sex?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
