tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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