forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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