ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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