oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
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