After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
