i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
