i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Randomize
