I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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