saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
