apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
this just has baby written all over it
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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