I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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