Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
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