So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
