I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
