I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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