ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize