o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
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