I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I want to fling myself into the sun
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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