I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
