woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
