I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
