I've blown a few things in my day
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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