Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
