I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
