laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
