My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
