Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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