Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
