You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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