Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
