So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
