Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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