uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
