He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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