your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
