ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Randomize
