Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
