I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
