And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Boobs are out for the taking
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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