Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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