Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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