Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
