Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
