She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
