Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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