did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I am full of burrito and curiosity
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
