It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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