I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize