hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
