Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Randomize
