Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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