On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
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