I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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